Hardships

 "Busy-ness can mask heartache. But it does not make it go away." I have definitely learned this in the last week.  I do really good until I crawl into bed at night, the busy-ness ends, and all I have to do is lay there and my mind churns.  

Just so every knows, I am not writing this saying my life is so much harder than other peoples.  I am just simply here, telling my life, and putting into words this hard time in my life at the present time.  

Most of these are true for me.

This week has been the hardest on me by far.  I haven't talked to Ricky since Sunday and I  have no way of contacting him. So I sit and wait, (well I try to stay busy) but I have totally taken up the philosophy of "your phone is attached to you".  I take it everywhere, and I mean everywhere!  Especially after I didn't take it on my run Monday morning and missed a call :(  So yes, I take it on my runs, I lay it on the toilet next to the shower, I even take it to the bathroom with me (sorry TMI).  But I WILL NOT miss a call if I can help it.  I feel so helpless, not being able to call.  And those of you that know me well enough know I want to be in control. So this is so new and difficult for me.  Everytime it goes off my heart skips a beat, and if I see it's him, my stomach gets butterflies all over again.  It's true when they say absence makes the heart grow fonder.  I have realized this is God's way of helping me with my patience, God won't just give you patience, but He will put you in a situation where patience is needed.  So here's my situation ha.  

Having a significant other be deployed is the oddest feeling in the world.  It's honestly really hard to explain. So I'm not even going to try.  But having half of your heart on the other side of the world for nine month, in a war zone, is extremely difficult and lonely.  

Sorry for the depressing post, I just had to put how I feel in words so I can look back and realize I finally made it to the end, through this hard time.  I hope this post doesn't come off as selfish, because that is not my intention.  I promise for more uplifting posts.  Hopefully things get better and more routine once he gets to his final destination.  


Love you all!